Well This Is Getting Ugly

As the ridiculous drama that has become McJaygate ("CutDanielsgate" was already taken I guess) continues, things just got a whole lot dicier late Wednesday night.

“I was surprised they decided to trade me this soon,” Cutler said. “I didn’t want to get traded. This wasn’t me. They [The Broncos] had been going back and forth saying things, wanting me to be their quarterback and then they didn’t. I really didn’t want this. I love Denver. I really like my teammates. I didn’t want it to get this far.”

Woah. Where the hell did this come from? I don't think I have ever heard two sides as far apart as to what the truth is as these guys. Bowlen claims that "numerous" attempts to contact Cutler have been made both by him and McDaniels all to no avail. Cutler claims that no one has made any attempt at all to contact him. Pardon my French, but what the fuck is going on here?

Either Pat Bowlen is in the bizarro world from that Seinfeld episode and he thinks the word "numerous" means "fucking zero, zilch and nada"... or someone isn't telling the truth. Oh wait, I figured it out. They obviously must have Cutler's wrong phone number. Duuuh. I bet Cutler Salon's phones have been ringing off the hook and they can't figure out why because no one named Jay works there. Coincidentally someone named "Zay" works there and he is aaamaaazing with a pair of scissors and a blow dryer. Josh and Pat, use the Yellow Pages to avoid mistakes like this in the future. In fact, use your newfound tool (not these guys, the Yellow Pages) to call up Brian Dawkins, that 7x Pro Bowler who just signed with you, and tell him he just joined a team with the 30th ranked defense last year that is completely incapable of keeping a starting running back healthy, coached by a 32 year-old (AKA he's 3 years younger than you) first year guy that is now trading away its franchise QB. Just go ahead and kick Dawkins in the balls while you're at it.

Speaking of keeping RBs healthy... If I may be permitted to go off on a tangent here, you suits in the Denver front office realize that your RB core was so decimated by injuries last year that you had to resort to a guy who was third string in college, right? And then you go out and sign the "The Turtle" Lamont Jordan to a 2-year deal? What. The. Fuck. Good signing guys, it's been 5 years since Lamont has played a full season - he's obviously due. I wish there was an emoticon that rolled its eyes while making a fapping motion because that's what I need right now. To quote Comic Book Guy, there really is no "emote icon" for what I'm feeling.

Okay, back on track. To make matters even more of a clusterfuck, the Jets, Vikings, Bucs, Panthers, 49ers, Browns, Redskins, Bears, Titans and of course the Lions have all been at the very least rumored to have made inquiries about Cutler. The Titans, Jets and Browns can all be pretty much ruled out immediately because the Broncos have basically stated that they won't trade him to any AFC team (similar to the Brett Favre fiasco a year ago). It is rumored that the Browns may end up being an integral part of the deal however. A three team deal where the Broncos get either Quinn or DA, the Browns get picks and/or other compensation and the third team gets Cutler really keeps a lot of the teams who don't have a QB to offer in return to Denver in the mix (Bowlen and McDaniels have made it clear that they need to get a QB out of this). Plus, whichever Browns QB goes, the arrangement would solve the QB controversy that is sure to swallow Browns minicamp between the hometown boy and the Pro Bowler in a nice tidy way. The 49ers and Panthers have been mentioned briefly but don't seem to be among those pushing really hard. The Vikings, who with Cutler would probably be in the Super Bowl in my opinion, are also only moderately involved in trade talks and seem content with their Sage Rosenfels signing. The Bears, similarly to the Vikings, have expressed faith in Kyle Ortdon for some unknown reason. The weirdest one on this list for me is also the one that may be the front runner - the Redskins. The Redskins already have a fairly decent QB who just suffers from having a different offensive coordinator every fucking year, but Daniel Snyder must be allergic to the draft because he is constantly trading picks away and gets a hard-on for signing free agents. Seriously, he can't fuck Tanya unless he has just signed, or is thinking about signing, the latest slightly-over-the-hill overpriced guy.

The Lions seem to be at a slight disadvantage because no one in the NFL wants the 1st overall pick due to the financial burden it entails, so it's really their other 1st round pick (the 20th) that is on the table. This is unfortunate for the Lions because the other two teams that appear to be pushing the hardest for Cutler, the Redskins and the Bucs, pick at 13 and 19, respectively. One "high-profile NFL agent" (I love the anonymous sources these reporters use... 10 bucks says the "high-profile NFL agent" is the guy that cleans Drew Rosenhaus's fishtank) has said that Cutler may go for a first and second rounder this year and another first next year.

I don't see why people are expecting Cutler to go for this much. Would I be stunned if he went for two firsts and a second? No, I suppose not since there are a lot of teams and the bidding war might get a little loco... but the problem is that the Broncos have no leverage after Bowlen flat out stated that things are so bad that Cutler won't even return their calls and no one except a handful of people in their own front offices know how much these tight-lipped football execs really, truly like Cutler and are willing to pay for him. Plus, the precedent set this very offseason hurts the theory that a team will have to pay a downright extravagant fee for Cutler's service. Cassel, another up-and-coming QB in this league, went to the Chiefs for only a single second round pick... and the Chiefs got Mike Vrabel to boot. Now I'm not saying that Cutler will only fetch a single second round pick, but I would be mildly surprised if he went for as much as two firsts and a second. The Broncos are rumored to be requesting "more than" a first and a third. I'm not even entirely convinced that will hapen.

Another thing about Cutler that makes him incredibly desirable to teams is his contract. Cutler's contract is structured so that most of his money was paid through bonuses and therefore he is only owed $1.035 million in base salary next year. That is shockingly low. To put that in perspective, the Lions are paying Daunte Culpepper $5 million next year (although $2.5 million of it has been "pushed back") and if they were to select Matt Stafford first overall they would have to pay him $30-40 million in guaranteed money. How good does getting Jay Cutler and only having to pay him $1 million next year sound? Yeah, that's what I thought.

I have no problem admitting that I am a card-carrying, certified Jay Cutler fanboy so I would really like to see the Lions pick him up (not for two fucking firsts and second rounder though). The knock against him has always been that he takes too many chances and forces some balls he shouldn't. However, I don't mind having a guy with the gunslinger mentality and a little bit of swagger (some might call it overconfidence). The pros, on the other hand, are substantial. Cutler has elite arm strength, great mobility, he's only 25, he has improved significantly every year and he showed ridiculous toughness at Vanderbilt getting annhilated every game going up against far superior SEC talent but would still hang tough in the pocket every play. Many people feel that last year was just the tip of the iceberg as far as the offensive output of which he is capable.